I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
