You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
did you just send me my own nude
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
