Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
