I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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