it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
