Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
