boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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