Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
