i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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