We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
