How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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