You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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