Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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