and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
