why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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