you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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