tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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