No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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