why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
