I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
