apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
