I wanna bring you to show and tell
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
