Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
