its not stalking. its research.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
