i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Welp...herpes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
