Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize