Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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