i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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