On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
