You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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