I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
