my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You were trust falling into bushes
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
