look no pants
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
