We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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