why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
