"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
