How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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