Nicole vs. Life
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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