Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
