So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
