1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
