i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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