I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
