She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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