I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
