You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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