Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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