every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
