im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
