grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
