So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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