You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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