If i could tip my vagina, i would.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
