some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
