shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
