Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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