I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So vagazzling was a success
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
