dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i think my tv is drunk
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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