i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
