have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
