Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
