bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize