im gay
i know
yea but for you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
