Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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