i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
