The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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