dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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