so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
