I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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