hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
