the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
