We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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