I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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