Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
