My hand turned me down
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize