We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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