About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
