People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
