I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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