Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
