dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
