I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
