I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
