so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
