so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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