Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
