I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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