Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
