I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
