...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
