I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
