She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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