he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
