he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
