she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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