maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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