I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
