dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
