i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
